If and When

One

Un. Convention. Bars. Fast cars. And more. Way more. But. Escaped last week. And. Might again today. Yeah. This shabby carnival. Will. Kill me. One day. Lie on floor. Search for door. So far away. A fair green country. Under slow sunrise. Waves crashing. Machines blasting. Until. Blessing. It’s all still. Finished now. Forever. And a day. Explosives stored away. Get up. Drink from cup. Down again. Cat. Yoko’s friend. Finds warm spot. To purr. And groom. Scan tatami room. Uniquely angled. Walking through. Dim quadrangle. Across. A college green. Scratching on wall. Down the hall. Fading lines. In. And then cast me out. Exiled into ever-lasting wonder. No doubt. Hmmm… Join the flow? Why not? Here we go! Buckle up. So long Alice. We hardly knew ya. Jabberwocky? We’ll see. More like a cup of coffee and a spot of tea. Drowned in the sea. Floating. Free. Emigration. From hell. To Thee. Angels sing. Pressed into service. For pleasure of the King. Seriously? Kid you not. Same old story. Dusty plot. Get me out. Heaven’s not for me. Sail away. On ghost ship. Forever. Eternal damnation. Lost at sea. Exploring. Broken plank. Bobbing. With manatees. Beneath the screams. Of love’s ending. Painful scene. Port of call. Families scanning horizon. For news. Of anything. But gull cries. Is all they got. Drunken, rollicking sing-alongs. They turn away. Go home. I wave weakly. And. Pirouette. To endlessness. Night. Day. And. Night. Day. And. Night. Day. What’s that you say? Oh. Look at that! Island of Lotus Eaters. Hey. Let’s see that plant. Mmmm. Now. I don’t care to report. Practical concerns. And. Other things. Of that sort. Year and a day. Of psychic play. Please stay. You’re so much fun! Fingers brush. Hands clutch. But. Up, up, and away! Will report back. No, you won’t! They never do. Goodbye stranger. It’s been nice. Please. Give up. On paradise. Will do! So long! Bob, bob, bobbin’ along. Night. Day. And. Night. Day. And. Night. Day. Humming a song. Nicely. Lovely interlude. In the nude. Prima mater. But. After that. Distant chatter. Climbing skies. Burning eyes. Don’t fly too close to the sun. Son. No. Damn the torpedoes man. This is war! But. Wouldn’t you know it. The waxes melt. But. But. But. You know, I felt… I know what you felt. Down ya come!

Two

Crash landing. Hospital bed. Like you said. I know. Just like you said. Sirens. Wailing. Dazzling. Careening. Smashing. Through Emergency Room. Janitor cleans it up. With a broom. I’m on a drip. Carefully sip. Plastic. Straw. Deliciousness. White coat. Did you see? The Lotus Eaters? Were they here? Yes. Earlier. But. Left an hour ago. Or so. Mocking smile. Pasty. Antiseptic. Erstwhile. Sigh. Lay back. Can I see a priest? Oh. It’s not as bad as that. Get some rest. No. No. No. Want to talk. About. Lotus Eaters. And. The Tree. I see. But. Woman rabbi’s all we got. Good enough for me. Invite her in. Hour. Arrival. Hey. You’re ancient. Shucks. This ‘ole thing? Just threw it on. Got dozens of ‘em. Winks. You should know though. Been around. Seen a thing. Or two. How ‘bout you? Nah. Live in a cocoon. Ah. I see. Butterfly to-be. No. I think. Silk’s atrophied. Well. We’ll see ‘bout all that. But. Heard talk ‘bout a tree. Speak to me. Know this tree. I believe. It might be… What? You tell me. You saw it. ‘et it too? You bet I did! It. Was. Absolutely. Free! But wasn’t a tree. Big though. Hmmm. You said tree. Yeah. But. Now. Not sure. Plant. I think. Tree’s a plant. Jes' big. Yeah. Didn’t think of that. Ok. Tree then. Now we’re gettin’ somewhere. She’s. Happy again. Curious. How many faces. You got? Oh. I don't know. How many you reckon? One? Wheezes. Cute hon. Who taught you to think like that? Some backward son of a gun. I bet. But. Big old eye in the sky. Can burn that out. Don’t even need to try. Ow. You talk. In riddles. Hurts my head. Wheezes again. There ‘nother way? If’n you say there’s more. Then. Hoo hey! You’re wrong. Gonna invite me to sit down? Chair around? Scans the grounds. Nope. Jumps on bed. There now. Let’s set a spell. Which. Is right. Since. I’m a witch. Yeah? Really? You say that without shakin’ kid. What’s matter with ya? Not too scary. To me. Growls. Can be. Can be. If’n I wanna be. Then. Wheezes some more. Hoo wee! Such a time. We gonna have. Jes' you an’ me. A witch though? I thought. You know, uh… I know what you thought. Place thinks. Rabbi. So let ‘em. Better that way. Sigh. But. Hmmm…you know, one of eighty once. Then. Shakes head. Smiles. But. Now. Jes' me. One of a kind. Winks again. Lies down. Feet by my head. You know. This place sucks. Let’s get out. Can we? Sure. I’ll sign you out. They wanna get rid of ya anyway. Jes' ‘nother junkie. With. No place to stay.

Three

Not. What? Junkie. Oh? Track marks though. Bed bugs. Sleeping bag. Infected. So? So. I'm crazy. Not addicted. Hoo wee! You and me! It's different. Agreed. But really? Not addicted? Everybody be. Can't stop thinkin'. Slippin' on scree. Fallin'. Down mountain. Cliffy. Gonna. Eat me. Down. To ground. Take off! Seen my broom 'round? There. In the corner. With. Lil' Jack. Playing craps. By the way. What? Waves hand. Hoo hey! This my hovel. What d’ya say? Nice? Super. Also. You notice? What? Your form. Girl. Short. About four. Foot four. Gonna happen. Gotta. Get used. But. Hoo wee! Jes' wait. 'Til I become Genghis Khan. Hee hee! What a time. You and me. What a time. We gonna have. Sneeze. Wipes nose. On sleeve. But. Hmm? Other seventy-nine. What happened? To them. Oh. They died. Or rather. Was killed. By an old flame. Lil' Shimmy. Who had. Um. Career ambitions. But. Sure did like to see me. Sheesh. That's cold. I know. Pretty bad day. I was away. But. What's done is done. So they say. Won't stop us. Though. From diggin'. Underground. To find. What's jes'. Lyin' 'round. Ok. Sounds good. But hey. Curious. Can I be. Somewhat bold? What. I mean to say. Is. Where'd you get. What you're wearing? That. Super cute. Little blue suit. Shoot! Don't you know who I am? Alice in Wonderland. Make me Mad Hatter? If'n ya wanna be! Cup of tea? Sure thing. Sounds good to me. Turn. Then back around. Hey now! Sad-faced clown. Emmett Kelly? Could be. Who's he? Hobo. Clown. Depressed. Made me cry. Whenever around. Emmett. Truth. In Hebrew. Ya know. Sad is truth. But not only one. Slaps me on knee. Sets cup down. Turns frown. Upside down. Ever. Ride the rails? Hmm? No. Me neither. Looks fun. Though. But. Dangerous. Never know. Where ya gonna go. Might jes'. Get beat up. By a cop. Royal. Police force. And. The horse. He rode in on. Beastly beasts. Always. Wanna be. In charge. Bossin' round. 'Til ya salute. And then. Fall down. To the ground. That's. What they like. To see. But. You and me. We'll jes' climb the tree. And see. Long way round. Hee hee. Forests. Mountains. Rivers. And. Seas. We gonna be. Completely. Free. Drink tea. Then. Look up. From cup. Hey now! How long. You been around? Who? You. Me? What d'ya see? Oxford don. In cap. And gown. Pomp. And circumstance. Know how to dance? Ran a studio. Once. Arthur Murray was. My son. Could really. Cut a rug. Jes' kiddin'. Stand up. Let's do though. Waltz 'round. Bump. Into table. And. Fall down. Lil' Jack. Will get upset. And. Run upstairs. Then. Just like she says. Broom slams dice down. Flies around. Hoo wee! It's rarin'. Let's go. To. Hill’s crown! Let's stop. All this. Clownin' around.

Four

Mist. All about. Smash landing. Standing stone. And then. Bush. Burrs. Sorry. Not used. Ta passengers. Hee hee. Mortar board. Askew. Looks down. Skinned knee. Ow. Hoo wee! I gave some blood. For that one. Son. Now. Voices everywhere. Seventy-nine ladies. In. Their underwear. Or. Something. Like that. Hoo hey! Watta ya say? Found me. A friend. You. And your friends. They laugh. Gather round. Inside crown. Circle. Stones. Tall. Look down. Long way to fall. Through the fog. I'm thinkin'. This here be. If'n you askin'. Me. Lil' Shimmy. Come'n see. No! Yeah! You sure? No. But feelin' like. Good Lord Almighty. Finally. A spark. Hark! The redemption arc. Hee hee. That's what I'm seein'. Y'all with me? Huh? Me? Me?! Lil' Shimmy?! You're alarmed. But. Don't be. Almost certain. Come out. Unharmed. Maybe. Hee hee. Won't know. 'Til. We climb the tree. Which tree? One you 'et from. Silly. Tree of Life. Eitz ha-Chayim. Been a-tryin'. Forever. To reach. It's fruit. 'Cause we really tired. O' dyin'. Want to eat. Eternity. But. What's that got to do. With me? And. How the hell. Am I Lil' Shimmy? Tarnation. Ain't you ever heard of. Incarnation. Gilgulim. Cross the ages. Press. Lil' flowers. Between pages. Butterflies collected. Colors detected. Crevices inspected. Hee hee. But. It's so far away. What's that you say? Shoot. Ain't nothin' a little. Kefitzat ha-derech. Can't fix. Shortenin' O' the way. We. Gonna do it. Today. You'll see. All you gots. Ta do. Is imagine. Lotus Eaters' Island. Floatin' on the briny sea. Yellow sun. Green waters. Ancient. Symphony. Well...I don't know. Well...I do. Be there in a jiffy. But. How? Ok! First. Remove that frown. Joy'll. Be the fuel. We need. Ta gather. Proper speed. Come on, boy. What makes you happy? Nothing really. Can't remember. Anything. Try! Try! Encouragement. From the gallery. Uh, dirt? Yeah? Really? How? Why? I just like dirt. Used to stuff it. Down my shirt. When I was a kid. Pissed everyone off. But. I never could. See why. Just felt. Kinda good. Well. There ya go then. Layla darlin'! Yes? Please toil. My dear. Ta bring this kid. A lil' soil. And. Toss it down. His shirt. Hee hee. This'n be better. Than I was expectin. In fact. Everyone. Let's get dirtee! And. Believe you me. I will be. Inspectin'. Don't want a see. A single. Clean. Bodice! Laughter. All around. Everyone scurrying. And diving. On the ground. Dirt flying. Everywhere. Never's been seen. Such a sight. On a weird. Moonless night. Eighty bawdy ladies. Flopping around. In their underwear. Or. Something. Like that. Hoo wee! That was fun! Breathless. Gotta admit. We liked. Your suggestion. Son. Now. Let's sit. Fer. A bit. Ok. But, hey! Wait! Oh, come on now! You're an old lady. Again. Bound ta happen. What'd I tell ya? Identity. It's. So...slippery. Never know. What's comin' next. Grindin' gears. O'. Box’a Alphabets. This time. She owns. Next time. He rents. Each time. Better. By a country mile. Than the rest. But. Not as good. As. They who bets. On. Sprialin' up. And. Into concrescence. Say! Say! Shouts the cheering section. Absolute! Perfection! Thank ye kindly. Sister darlins'. And. Daughters O' my conception. Hee hee. Let's go see. That tree. 

Five

Ghost voices. Chatting. Cackling. All around me. Grip the stick. Peer through. Dark. Cold. Windy. And. Hardly can breathe-thick. Night thinning. Stars spinning. Ears ringing. Heavens rounding. Alarms sounding. Feeling sick. Hoo wee! Prepare. For landing! Great work! Got us. Right there. Take care. Darlins'! Sharp rocks. Everywhere. Land on water. Now. Geese in formation. Long necks. Stretched-out wings. Feathered. Flying nation. Honk! Here we goooo! Hoo wee! Slow spiral. Down. To the sea. Splash landing. Ladies again. Elegantly. Wading. Through the lagoon. No moon. But. Can see. Beach landing. And. Bonfires lit. In the distance. Come on. Lil' Shimmy. Let's go! Calls short girl. About four. Foot four. Blonde hair. Blue dress. We're back to Alice. I guess. Sand hardening. Waves lapping. Palms whispering. Above. Party down the beach. Everybody. Happy. Laughing. Singing. Songs. Pure. Merriment. Moment. Lasting forever. And. We're not even there. Yet. You're back! You're back! You're back! Rushing. Along the waves. Hey, Alice! I call. These are. Lotus Eaters. Tackled. Thrown into. The sea. Can't believe. We'd never expect. Anyone. Ever comes back. But. Here you are. Here I am. I agree. We laugh. Alice jumps on top. Screaming. With the rest. Come. With us. To. The fire. Talk. You know. We never. Get tired. Of that. Let's go. By the way. What happened? To you. Simple. Met. Alice here. Huh? This brute. With drooping mustache. And. Funny. Furry hat? Genghis Kahn? Warned you. About that. Don't worry. Got marauderin'. Outta my system. Long. Years back. Now. Gentle as. A smitten kitten. Hee hee. Look at me. Spins around. On beach. And then. Shrieks. To the fire! Hooray! Lotus Eaters. Say. All. At once. Other ladies. Already. There. Drinking. Intoxicating stuff. And. Putting. Pretty things. In their hair. Welcome! Professor. They call out. I Look to see. The Oxford don. Next to me. Brown. Wing tipped shoes. Long legs. Covering. Lots of ground. Shoot! That stuff. Better not. Run out. Give me some. O' that brew. You. Greedy. Awful crew. They sing. Time to shine Alice! We're. Nearing. The finish line. Better hurry along. Going. To be. A photo finish! Hee hee. Now don't go. Copyin' me. Alice drops. Down to the ground. Drinks from. A Coconut shell. Better scurry. Lil' Shimmy. We're about. To reach. Escape velocity. I drink too. Woo. Been quite a day. What's that you say? We're just gettin' started.

Six

Bodies. Strewn. Entangled. Debauched. Fire. Spitting. Sputtering. Increasingly engulfed. By Old Man Sun. On the rise. Always. Moving around. Worrying. The horizon. He sinks. Then pinks. The sky. Light beams leak. Onto beach. Creep. Seep. Until they reach. Trees. Climbing up. Volcanic slope. Hey Sweetie. Get up. Huh? Still. Little girl. Whispering. Insistent. Arg. Please. Five minutes. More. No can do. Skippy. It's. Time to go. Where to? The flow. The source. Of'n. The juice. That'll be. Shakin' us loose. From. This ground. And. The forever. Merry-go-round. Don't. You want to. See? Ok. Sure. But. Shouldn't we. First. Wake. The ladies? Nah. I know 'em. They'll never. Go anywhere. Again. They've. Lost all interest in. Whatever's not. In Lotus Land. Shrugs. Therein' ya have it. The Curse. So. It's called. But. No worse. Than anythin'. Else. I suppose. But. You an' me. Made. From different. Stuff. Let's go! Burnin' daylight. Slow Poke. Put. Your shoes. On. Groan. I do. Want. I mean. To see. Been like. Ever since. I can...remember. But. Didn't we. Just eat. From. The Tree. Last night? Shoot! That stuff? That was nothin'. Jes'. Hors d'oeuvres. Appetizers. Nope. What. We seek. Is beyond. Belief. And it's. Jes' over that. Ridge. Across. A burning bridge. Between. Land. Sky. And sea. It's. The apple. O' yer eye. Silly. I knew. What you had. Reported. What. You had said. Before. What. You 'et from. Wasn't the Tree. In actuality. Yeah? How? 'Cause you was. Layin' on. A hospital. Gurney. Hee hee. Wouldn't be. If'n you ate. From The Tree. But. Ya should know. So many have. Reached for. And tried. But. Always departed. Jes' fallin'. Back to. Sandy Beach. Where they started. But. Not you and me. You'll see. Come on! Did they die? Who? Those who tried? Course they did. But. That's no trouble. 'Cause. Ya know. Enter. Stage left. Exit. Stage right. And. Call it a night. Then. There's ‘nother show. Tomorrow. Hoo wee! What a time. It'll be. Jes'. You and. Me! She starts. To climb. Alice. In her. Black shoes. White socks. Blue dress. She's Goldilocks. Grabbing branches. And. Rocks. Pulling. Herself up. I try to. Follow suit. But with. One foot slipping. Out of. My boot. Shoot! Stop. Re-lace. And retrace. The events of. The past days. Hey! Whatta ya say! Alice interrupts. Yells from above. Let's go. Little turtledove! Ok! Ok! Just trying. To get. My boot. To stay. On my foot. Understood! You jes' take yer time. We got all day! Look up. Now. Oxford don. In cap. And gown. Flitting around. Up. And down. Between trees. Waxing lyrically. To. Passing bees. I turn. My frown. Upside down. And. Proceed. Up the slope. Moving. Toward the top. With. No rope. But. Feeling just. A little. Lighter. Now. Colorful birds. Soar by. Incandescent butterflies. Flit and fly. Morning sun. Burns. My head. Sweat beads. Shining. On my red. Straining neck. Whew! This. Starting to be. Not so fun. Come on hon. Get a move on! Alice impatient. Again. Calls from. Above. You said. We had. All day! Did I now? Shoot. Can't keep up. With everythin'. That comes. From my. Mouth. Hee hee. You take. Yer time. Sweetie! Sheesh. I mutter. This is. Crazy. Look up. And now see. Genghis Kahn. Sitting down. With. Red Panda on. His lap. Talking to. The poor creature. In riddles. No doubt. I reach. The spot. Howdy hey! Glad ya could. Join the fun! Let's have. A lil'. Breakfast. Panda scampers off. And. Genghis Kahn picks up. Large. Dead stick. Clasps it. In. Weathered hands. From which. Extends. White matted mess. Fungi. Time lapsed. Glorious. Slipping into. Woody mass. You try! Old lady now. No thanks. I'll pass. Not really. Hungry yet. Your choice. But. You missin' out. 'Cause. I'm suckin' all the. Tasty lignin. Out. Mmmm. Offers stick. Ya sure? I demure. Thanks. I'm good. Oky doky. Later then. Can't really. Eat from. The tree. 'Til ya converse. With its. Progeny. Hee hee. Which would be? The branch. Or. The fungi? Don't be impatient. Jes' wait 'n see. Could be both. Or. Neither. To. The. Tree! Jumps up. Such agility. Go! Go! Go! Lungs wheeze. Inside the prickly sage. God! Are we even on. The same page? You're all over. The place. Genghis. Or rabbi lady. Or Alice. Or Emmett. Or. Whoever the hell. You are. Ah ha! Now. You see. How tricky it. Can be. Keeping up. With. Reality. Hoo wee! To. The. Tree! Follow me. Up the slope. Again. Rock breaks off. In my hand. Be careful. Long way down. Clouds above. Sea below. And. A thundering. Rocking. Commotion. Of. Calamitous. Noise. Crescendoing. From. Professor Rabbi Emmett Alice Kahn. 

Seven

Hey. You ever notice? I offer. Hmm? What? Well. That our verses tend. Towards. Doggerel? You know. A. Disjointed. Mess? Aw. Shooooot! Without rhythm. Or. Rhyme. How could we. Even. Talk? Can’t. Cast a spell. Distract. Zombies. That walk. Past. Lifeless hell. Perusin’. Pages of. Those who. Fell. Into. Book of Kells. Ridin' the... But. Hey. Forget ‘bout all that. Let’s. Get back. Ta business. Stay focused. Keep climbin’. My Sweetest. Come with me. I’m an old lady. But. I can still. Move. Like. The devil. Crooked smile. Hey! Look! We’re gettin’. There. Way less than. A mile. Now. But. Pretty good. Climb. Ta go. Let's join. The flow. But. Before. We can. Go. Emmett Kelly. Stares at me. Sadly. Arg. I feel. So. Badly. It's just. Hard. To feel. Alright. When this. Clown. Comes to. Town. Hey. Can you. Turn into. Someone. Else? Huh? Just. I don't feel. Like. Myself. With this... Sad clown. Hanging around. Sorry Love. Transconfiguration. Comes from. Above. Got. No control. Over. My own. Isomers. Slippery. As a. Greasy. Glove. Yup. Maybe. One day. I'll become. Jes' one. But. As of yet. I remains. A hall of. Mirrors. Inside. The Tunnel. O'. Love. Change. Now. Genghis Kahn. Gives. Me a. Manly. Shove. Come on. Almost there. Ups a daisy! Don't get lazy. On. We go. Ya should. Know. Though. That sad's. Ok. Ok? Lots O'. Bad things. Gotta be. Mourned. Away. If'n not. Ya gonna. Stay. Stuck. In one. Numbly. Awful. Spot. Laughs. Aloud. Gurgly. Throaty. Then. Ooooh. Lifts hands. Hummingbird. Hovering. Shimmering. Buzzing. Flying. Flitting. Almost. Lands. And then. Darts. Away. Again. Hey! What'ya say. To that? Very. Cool. Huh? Very. Cool? Sheesh! What's wrong. With. You. Gotta go. Back. Ta school. Boy. It's ok. Ya know. Ta be. Crazy. Happy. Too. Wake up! Little Pappy! Try. Openin'. Your skin. Fer once. Ta what's. Happening. Hee hee! Feel. Enough. Sad. Won't get. Depressed. Feel. Enough. Glad. Won't get. Evil mad. Think. Ya can. Do it? Not sure. But. Got a. Feeling. No matter. What. I'll be. Quieter. Than. You. Ha! Can't get. Much. Fairer. Than. That. Quiet Man. As long. As ya. Feels it. Ya. Heals it. Could. Look like. Me. Or. You. Or. Any other. Exhibit. In this. Here. Zoo. Come on. Magoo. We're. Almost. There. Go! Go! Go! I can. Feel. The wind. In. My hair. Sweat. Groan. Slip. Flop. Finally. Bottoms. Of Alice's. Shoes. Disappear. Over. The top. Now. Me too. Wow. Soak in. A. Huge view. Rolling grass. Flat. Landscape. Cows. En masse. Grazing. Heads down. Singing a. Chorus of. Moos. Above. Blue. Below. Green. This it? But. I don't. See a. Tree. Look down. Silly. Ya almost. Stepped. Right. On it. Boot. Inches from. Cow patty. Shit. Jump back. Almost. Land in. Another. Mother... What's. This? Tree O' Life. Look. Closer. Little mushrooms. Sprouting out. Oh please! I've eaten. Plenty of. These. Yeah? But. Not with. Me. Hee hee! Yes indeed! Laughs. Satisfactorily. We. Been. Climin'. For. A. Plateful of. Psilocybin. Hee hee! The Tree! Ugh. I. Could have. Bought. These. From my guy. Down. The street. With. A side order of meth. And a. Complimentary bag of. Weed. No. No. No. This is. Not. What. I need. Calm down. Sweetie. Ya. Been. Doin'. It. All wrong. See? I sing. A. Different. Kinda. Song. Come along. With me. Let's put. Tired. Feet. In that lil' brook. Over there. But. Take care! Not. To. Crush. The Tree. Makes. The Lil'. Darlins. Quite. Testy.

Eight

Bare feet. Under. Rippling water. Mongolian toes. Splashing. Fountains high. Genghis laughing. Hoo wee. It's simple. Ya see? H two is you. And O is me. Yeah. Couldn't be. Simpler. I agree. With. Absolute. Mock. Sincerity. I'm discernin'. A little. Lack O'. Learnin.' On yer. Part. Water! Boy. Nature's. Lil'. Toy. Made up. O'. Molecules. Holdin'. Things. Together. Stronger. Than. Twenty mules. Pullin'. On. Whatever's. Inside ya. H two. Without. O. Means. Nothin'. But. Mash em. Together. Now. That's somethin'! Cryslin. Water. Or. Cracklin. Ice. Or. Vaporous. Gas. And. It just. Lasts. And. Lasts. And Lasts. Ain't ya. Ever. Thought. O'. That. Before? No. Can't say. I have. Oh well. Yer. Thinkin'. 'Bout it. Now. Anyhow. Look. How far. You've come. Hmm. I guess. This water. Feels good. Though. Icy cold. Does. Lessen. Distress. Round. Stones. Under. Toes. Feel. Good. Great! Also! I brought. Ya. Somethin'. A present. From. Me. To. You. Need to. Eat it. Up. Pulls. Out. Big stick. From. Under. Animal skin. Jacket. What's this? Lunch. Honey Bunch. Oh. Yeah. I. Remember. Ok. Let's get. This. Over with. Grab. The branch. With. Nail bitten. Hands. What. Do. I...uh. Do? Jes'. Let the. Mycelium. Come. Out. O' you. Sheesh. More. Cryptic. Attitude. Ok. Sounds. Easy enough. Sarcastic. Skeptical. Nothing's. Happening. But. Wait! Whoa. This feels. Weird. White. Massy. Stuff. Exudes. From inside. Hands'. Grooves. Time lapse. Western Days. Barrel riding. Bull fighting. Whale sighting. World's. Wonders. Careening. Between. The covers. Of. Just me. And. Something. Other. Releasing. Lignin's sweet. Teaching. Transmitting. Something. Fleeting. Look. Beside. Me. And. See her. Staring. At. Passing. Clouds. Old lady. Sighs. Finally. 'Bout time. Ya. Listen. To. A. Lecture. Worth. Yer. Time. Huh? It's. Everythin'. Darlin'. And. Nothing. At all. Everywhere at once. And. Nowhere. In. Particular. That's. My. Best. Hunch. Anyhow. Never. Been able ta. Figure. It. Out. Uh huh. Hmm. Silence. For once. But. Then. She. Quickly. Interrupts. Quite. A lunch. Though. Wouldn't. Ya say? Yeah. Never. Felt. Quite. This way. Before. Shoot! Jes'. The beginnin'. Soon. We'll. Be. Winnin'. To. The top. Of... Of what? Look up. Good Lord. Almighty. A. Giant. Tree. Glimmering. Right. Beside. Me. Wow. And! By the way. I collected. Some. O'. The. Lil' darlins'. And. Made. Tea. Passes cup. Filled. To lip. With. Black liquid. Releasing. Odorous. Eye-watering. Noxiousness. Ew. That. Doesn't. Smell. Too good. Egad man! It's a sin. Ain't. Your mama. Ever taught ya. 'Bout. Medicine. It's. 'Spose ta. Taste. Bad. Raises cup. Tips. Gross stuff. Flows out. Past. My gullet. Gag. Now. Oxford don. Also. Sends. It. Down. The hatch. Hoo wee! We's gonna. See. What we see! Oky doky? Let's. Lay back. And. Hold hands. Um. I'm. Uncomfortable. With. That. Oh. For. Goodness sakes. We can't? Why not? Because. We were. Once. Apparently. A. "Thing." Goodness. Gracious. Me. Erase. That. Thought. Immediately. We. Already. Wrote. And. Rewrote. Edited. And. Re-edited. That. Page. Long. Time. Ago. But. We. Still. Allowed. To. Touch. Honey Bunch. And. If'n not. This. Trip. We. May as well. Skip. 'Cause. We. Must. Physically. Connect. There. Will be. Absolutely No. Reaction. No. Traction. Jes'. Spinnin'. Wheels. In. The dirt. Ok. If. You. Say. So. Tentatively. Clasp. Genghis Kahn's. Calloused. Hand. And. Lay back. Hey! Look. At that. A. Staircase. Spiraling. Around. The trunk. All the way. To. The crown. Hoo wee! Never. Seen. That before! Alice. Jumps. Up. Still. Holding. My. Hand. And. Leads. Me. To. Foot. Of. The stair. Are. You. Aware. What. This. Means? Haven't. A. Clue. Goodness. Look. At you! So. Sweet! Our. Eyes. Innocently. Meet. Let's. Go! Alice. Drags me. Up. The stairs. Still. A long. Row. To. Hoe! Spiral. Up. And. Up. And. Up. Past. Insect. Holes. And. Crows'. Nests. Dancing. Lizards. Flying. Squirrels. All. Bombarded. By. Ridiculous. Pearls. Of. Wisdom. Spouted. From. A little. Girl. Gettin'. Breezy! Up. Here. Let's. Take it. Easy. Stairs. Transform. Into. Steps. Of. Intertwined. Branches. Swaying. At. The top. Stop! This be. Far. Enough. Holding. On. For. Dear. Life. Alice. In. One hand. Foliage. In another. Now. What? Words. Almost. Can't. Get. Out. Through. The roar. Beats me. Never. Done this. Before! But. Then. A. Door. Opens. Above. Our heads. Carpet. Rolls out. Neon. Signs. Explode. Announcing. The. Museum. Of. Ever. Lasting. Wonder. Free. Admission. Come. One! Come. All! Arrows. Flashing. Toward. The door. Smile. Look at. Each. Other. Step. Onto. Floating. Rug. Sinks. Once. Twice. Then. Holds. Firm. Hey ho. Let's go! Emmett Kelly. Shouts. Let's see. What we's. Gonna. See! Hey! Come on. Now. Honey bee!

Nine

Slim man. Top hat. Dressed. To. The nines. Tails. Creased pants. White shirt. Black shoes. Shine. Strides. Through. The door. Bows. Welcome! Welcome! Welcome! To. The. Greatest. Show. On. Earth! Or. Just. A. Tad. Above it. Ha! Ha! Last. Ha. Extended. Longer than. Intended? Enter! The museum. Of. Ever. Lasting. Wonder! My. Guests. You. Are. Expected. Can I. Take. Your. Coat? Nope. Clown. Deadpans. Emmet! My Sweet! Maurice! My Treat! Last. We. Meet. You. Runnin' from. Police. What. Happened. Honey Stuff? Sniffs. Not. Quite. Quick enough. To. Catch. Me! Hoo wee! Said before. No one's. So fleet. With. His feet. Ha! Ha! I agree! Ok. Clear. To see. You two. Each. Know. The other. Maurice. Beams face. Towards. Me. Lil' Shimmy! So. Great. To. See. Huh? I. Regret. Don't. Recall. Poor baby's. Still. Asleep. Alice. Informs. Then. Sweeps. Across. Threshold. But. Almost. Time for. Wakey! Wakey! Dizzy. Suddenly. Maurice. Catch me! Strong. Hands. Drag. Body. Through the. Door. Hit. The floor. With. Sickening. Thud. Whoa. Light headed. Need. A minute. Vision. Blurred. Words. Slurred. Dang! Mutter. This. Has never. Occurred. Done. Plenty. Of. Shrooms. Before. Ha! Ha! But. Not. With. Your beshirt. Your beloved. Maurice. Purrs. Hoo wee! Old Lady's. Voice. Cackles. Above. Me. Your. Place. Maurice? Makes. A. Face. Please. Just. The Caretaker. Domicile made. By the. Faker. Set designer. Stagehand. Dressmaker. Added. Couple of. Touches. Though. To. Make it. Feel. Homey. Head. Stop. Spinning! I implore. Nose. Sniffing. Eyes. Shifting. Lanterns. Hissing. Casting. Shadows. On. Burnished. Door. Next. To. Long hall. And. A ladder. Leaning. On. Tall. Paneled wall. Wooden. Horses. Supporting. Bamboo. Rickshaw. Sit up. Oh! Vision. Constellating. But. Hearing. Vacillating. Between. Noise. Of. Hammers. And. Saws. Light. Cough. Please. Excuse. The. Mess. Voice. Slightly. Distressed. Still needs. Some. Refurbishment. Shoot. Nothins'. Ever. Finished. You. Know that. Would. Lead. To certain. Death. And. Dismemberment. Oxford don. Sallies. Forth. What's. Down. That hall. Over there? Ha! Ha! Now. We're. Getting. Somewhere. Maurice. Solicitous. Approaches. Can you. Get up. Lil' Shim? Think so. Wobbly. Leaning. Feel. A bit. Better. Shoot! Be. Fit. As a. Fiddle. In. No time. At all. Professor. Predicts. Let's go. Honey Bunch. Rise. And Shine. But. Remember. We. Need to. Be. As. Courteous. As. Guests. 'Cause. That's all. We. Are. Don't get. Caught. With. Yer. Hand. In. The. Cookie jar. Leave. Everythin'. Behind. Take. Nothin'. Fer the. Ride. If'n ya. Do. We'll need. Money. We don't. Have. And. Never. Will. It's all. Free. But actually... Not exactly. Sooner. Or later. Hell. Must be. Paid. But. Not yet. I expect. Still. Need to. Pass. Through. The Way. Then. We'll be. Made. In. The shade. Fer. A. While. Anyway. Turn. To. Host. Any. Idea. What. Any of. That. Means? No clue. Maurice. Stares. Forlornly. At. Shoes. Been. This way. Since. Forever. But. Then. I'm. Just. The Caretaker. Remember? Feeling. Better? He chirps. Hopefully. Nod. Super. Duper. Then. Follow me! To. The. Hall. Of. Never. Ending. Ecstasy! Hoo wee! Old Lady. Wheezes. And. Shrieks. Now. Don't. That. Sound. Exciting! Hand. Grabbed. Launched. Behind. Rocket. Ship. Dragged. Past. Spray. Painted. Images. Too. Fast. To. Discern... Hey. Slow. Down! No way! Can't. Stop. 'Til. We reach. The. End. Of. This. Ole house. It's. Got. Ta stop. Somewhere. Don't it? Maybe. Jes'. 'Round. This. Corner. Then. Lil' Shimmy. Will. Get. The. Rest. He wants. Fer. A. Minute. Anyway.

Ten

Where's. Maurice? Didn't come. Smile. Probably. Back there. Wallpaperin'. His. Domicile. Jes'. You. And. Me. Sweet. Sugar. Honey Pea. Ok. Gives. Me. A. Chance. To. Think. Plop. Down. Go. Right. Ahead. Honey Bun. Old. Habits. Run. Deep. I. Guess. But. That's. Yer. Problem. Ya. Know. There's time. To. Think. When. It's. All. Over n'. Done. But. Go right. Ahead. Have. Yer. Fun. What's done? Sheesh. How. Can. I Say. 'Til. We. Get. There. Baby Bear? Ya know. Thinkin'. Now. Jes'. Gets. In. Our. Way. 'Cause. It. Makes. Us. Stuck. In. One. Spot. Forever. And a. Day. Ok. But. Will. There come. A. Time. To. Process. What's. Been. Happening? Can't. Really. Say. Can't. Know. 'Spose so. Maybe. You'll help. Me. If'n. We ever. Get. There. Though. But. Really. No. Time. Fer that. Now. 'Cause. Fruit. O'. The. Cow. Will. Wear off. Sooner. Or. Later. Hark! Look yonder! Spy. That. Pin. O'. Sky. Past. The. Gapin'. Dark? Yeah. What. Is it? Egads! How. Should. I know? Ya. Keep. Wantin'. Me. To explain. Things. Before. We. Even. Go. Let's. Find out! Explore! Run towards. The door! Can't. Understand. A thing. 'Til. We. Hit. The. Open road. Ya know. It's. Called. Phenomenology. Oh! That. I've. Heard of. Before. Yep. Figured. But. Jes' know. You. Ain't. Ken. A thing. As of yet. Little. Sulky. Now. You. Don't. Know. Yes’n. I surely. Do. 'Cause. You is. Me. And. I is. You. So! Ok! A. Tautology! Not really. Ignore. But. Where. Does it. End? Stop. Procrastinatin'. 'Cause. We. Gotta. Start. Makin'. Tracks. Fine. Fine. Fine. But. This. Gives me. Something. To. Chew on. Hoo wee! You’re funny! Whatever floats. Yer. Boat. Honey Bee. Wait! Listen. Ouroboros. Snake. Eats. Tail. Why. Is it. Hot? Because. It's a. Hundred and. Ten. Degrees. Out. Why. Was I. Born? Because. Here I. Am. Circular. Reasoning. Has been. My friend. For years. And years. Upon. Succession. Here I. Go. Oh Lord. Swimming in. Your. Circular flow. Nice. But. Ya. Ever. Think 'bout. Actually. Gettin' up? And doin'. Somethin'? No. Because. I'm sitting. Down. Hoo wee! This. Gonna be. Harder. Than I. Thought. Ok. I'll sit. Down. Too. With. You. We'll jes. Sit and. Stew. Thinkin'. Bout life. Instead. O' livin'. It. 'Cause. Much less. Tirin'. That way. Taps fingers. On floor. Now. What? How. Can I. Say? Touche. Ok. Try this. What's in. Your. Head? Right now. Impatience. Like a. Twenty pound. Sack. O'. Lead. Draggin' me. Under. The ground. So. Let. It go. Just. Cast it. Out. Alrighty! Shouts. Get out! Ya. Stupid. Blasted. Thought! No. No. No. Not that. Way. Take some. Deep. Breaths. One. Two. Three. Feel better? Nope. Can we. Go? This. Is truly. Wearin'. Me out. But. I thought. Less tiring. Yeah. Yeah. Ok. Whatever. Ya say. So. Ya teach me. And. I. Teach you. Agreed. I think. That's what. We need. To do. You race. Headlong. Into. Calamity. Jane. While I. Ruminate. And. Make. Us. Late. For. Very. Important. Dates. Ok. Well. Hey! Look! It's Alice. Again. Glad. You. Could join. Us. My. Short friend. Well. Yer talkin'. My. Language. White Rabbit. Honey Bee. Hey! Wait a. Sec. There seemed. To be. Some. Rhyme and. Reason. To that. Most recent. Transformation! Never's happened. Before. Like that. What the. Heck? Hmm. Maybe. There is. A. Way. To control. The human. Display. Animals. Always been. Quick and neat. But people? Not a. Feat. I could ever. Complete. Intentionally. Really? How about. Now. Feel sad. Poof! And. It's. Instantly Emmet. Whoa Nellie! Ya see me. Go. From. A. Right to. B. Try. Thinking. Something. Smart. Oxford don. Pops. Out. Hey! What do. You say. To. That? Hoo wee! That. I'm an. Old. Lady. Rabbi. Agin. And. That this thinkin' thing. Turns out. Maybe. Not to be. Such A stall. After all. 

Eleven

Pause. But. Got used to. Changing. Randomly. Probably. Will miss it. Baby bee. But. No reason. You can't have. Both. Sometimes. Just. Be. Un. Intentional. Hmm. Yeah. Might work. Jes'. Don't think. Huh? Shoot! That. I can do. No prob. Now I say! Can we. Finally see. What's down. That. There. Hallway? Yes indeed! Jump up. Hand in. Hand. Just. Old Lady Rabbi. And. Me. Flying. Down. The carpeted. Sea? What the... Tidal swells. Waves. Towering. Hey! What's happening? We're. On the verge. Of sinking. Baby bear! Climb aboard! Flimsy. Cheap. Blow up. Float. Unicorn head. Bobbing. Up front. Wow. That you? Head turns. Apparently! Hoo wee! It's true. Saved. By the bell. Have. Become. A plastic. Stem cell. Changin' thoughts. Into reality. You best try it. Too. 'Cause you're. Way too heavy. For me. Foldin' up. Like. A book. Gonna. Send us. Down to look. At. Davey Jones' locker room. How 'bout. Becomin'. Somethin' else? An albatross. Maybe. Ok. I guess. But how? Jes' think like. A big. Ole. Giant. Screechy. Sea bird. Like this? White head. Wings spread. Whoa! Lift off! Perdy! Wait! I'll join ya! Feathers and. Flight. Now that's. Somethin'. I already. Get right. Rainbow albatross. Climbing next. To me. Glitter. Arcing down to. The briny sea. Hee hee. I'm a. Magical. Mystery. Bird! See? See? Interesting! But. How can we. Turn thought. Into reality? Seriously? Happens all the time. To me. But now. Hoo hey! With more. Control and. Agility. Philosophic discourse. Soars. Between two. Monstrous birds. Far from shore. Waves crash. Below. Clouds float. Above. Thinkin' is jes'. Light. Careenin' inside. Yer skull. After all. It's easiest thing. In the world. To convert it. Ta whatever. Ya want. It's fun. But merry-go-round. Is still. Bein' spun. And now. It's way past time. Ta get off. Let's catch the. Trades. And. Make our way to... Hey! Land ho! Where'd that. Come from? Shoreline stretchin'. So serenely. Under the. Sun. Let's fly there. Honey pot. Put our coin. Into the. Slot. And see. What. Comes out. Becomin' physical. Ain't so hard. But. Changin' into. Spiritual. Don't know. If'n even. That be in the. Cards. But. I'll tell ya. One thing. I'm tired. Of makin'. So many. Dramatic. Scenes. While. In this here. Shabby. Menagerie. I interrupt. But. Will we still. Know ourselves? Maintain our. Identity? No clue. Sonny Blue. But. Let's see. What we. See. One thing. Is certain. Though. It'll all. Be. Absolutely. Free!

Twelve

"Knock. Knock. May I come in?"

It's a soft woman's voice. 

"Hmmm... Mmmm..." My reply is weak. 

Door opens. Footsteps clap on a hard floor. They come closer.

"Hello. Mr. Finnegan? Are you awake?"

I try to speak.

"I can't... Open my eyes."

My words are slurred. I'm feeling slightly panicked.

"It's ok," the voice says reassuringly. "It's just a little crust. I can clean it off."

A damp washcloth gently rubs my eyes.

"There. Try now," she suggests.

They open but my vision is blurred. I can just make out the outline of a person standing next to me.

"Where are my glasses?" I ask and flop my hand around trying to find them.

"Careful. You've got a line in your arm. Your glasses are right here on the stand. Here you go."

She hands them to me and I put them on.

It's a hospital room. Medical equipment is next to my bed. A pale blue curtain hangs above me on a circular, metal rail. I notice scratches where the rings slide across it.

I turn my head and see her clearly now. She's a short woman. Probably in her fifties. Trim, with gray flecks in dark, curly hair. Her hands are clasped and she's impeccably dressed.

"Who?" I croak and then fall into a coughing fit. "Are you?"

"I'm Rabbi Ginsberg," she replies. "I believed you asked to see me?"

I look at her silently.

"So. Here I am," she opens her hands and encourages me with a smile.

After another awkward silence, she states matter-of-factly, "I understand you're a lucky man Mr. Finnegan."

"Really?" I reply. "How so?"

"Didn't they tell you?" she inquires, shocked. "You went into full cardiac arrest in the ER. They had to call the crash cart and it was pretty touch and go. In fact, you were dead for several minutes before they got you back."

"I died?" I ask in disbelief.

"Yes, but thank God, you're alright now."

"I don't believe in God," I say more quickly than I intend.

"No?" she answers with a smile. "Well, here's a secret for you. The God you don't believe in, I don't believe in either. G.O.D. is just a word and not a very good one at that."

"Hmm. That's fair I guess," I state. "But, won't you get into trouble with your, uh...rabbi supervisors?"

She shrugs.

"Not so far."

Silence again.

"Do you know how long I'm going to be here?"

"Doctors say you'll stay here at least overnight," she informs. "They want to make sure there was no permanent damage to your heart. And then I believe," she coughs discreetly, "They'll transfer you to the fourth floor so you can get stabilized on your meds again. I believe you've done this before?"

"More times than I can count," I answer bitterly. "It's such a merry-go-round."

"I'm sure it is," she states empathetically. "How do you feel now?"

"I have a headache," I report. "But that's about it."

"And you're not being troubled by...um, voices?" she asks delicately.

"I don't hear voices," I correct. "They always get that wrong. They're full-blown identities inside of me. I try to explain but they're too dumb to understand the difference."

"But, you do talk to them?" she asks, intrigued now.

"Of course I do. Am I talking to you?" I ask sarcastically.

"I see," she says kindly.

"Do you?"

"I think so."

More silence.

"Anyway. Is there anything specific you'd like to talk about today?" she inquires.

"No. I don't think so," I reply.

"Ok. I'll be leaving at five but I'll come see you again tomorrow," she smiles. "Have a good night Mr. Finnegan."

"Thanks."

Thirteen

Hoo wee! She's nice. I like 'er. Alice purrs. Must be new. Never seen 'er. Before. Hey Alice! It's you! You're back. But. Where'd you go? Don't see you. Anymore. That's 'cause. I'm slippin'. Deep. Inside O' you. Honey Bear. Going away. On a. Forever holiday. Me and my. Friends. Gonna become part. Of. Your personality. Jes' came by. To say. Goodbye. What's that? But. You. Can't. Go away! I'll be lonely. While I lay. In bed. Don't worry. Sonny Blue. We're not really. Leavin' you. We're all still here. Same ole dears. As we've always been. Really? Yep. It's true. But there's. One last thing. I need ta say. Ta you. Yes? Jes' this. Ta answer your. Previous. Question. Ya don't need to. Worry. 'Cause. Ya will retain. Your identity. Even when the music stops. And. The merry-go-round. Is done. You's still you. But. Then. You’ll be. Everythin’ else too. That's it. Nothin'. Really. Left ta do. But think deeply. ‘Bout it. 'Cause. It's. The secret. And… Oh well. That's enough. Fer now. I guess. Goodbye Baby Blue. An' don't. Forget. That. No matter. What anyone. Say. Jes’ know. That for forever and. A day. I'll always. Love you! Ok. But. Wait... Too late. She's gone. Silence. For real. Now. Sigh. Ok. So long.